silvercrafted (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
silvercrafted) wrote2008-06-22 05:27 pm
silvercrafted) wrote2008-06-22 05:27 pm
Entry tags:
[fic] No Use
Title; No use.
Rating; G
Fandom; Xenosaga
Summary; Juli Mizrahi in the wake of Sakura's death.
Wordcount; 876
Juli knew, objectively, that the alarm had to have started first, and that the frantic call from the technician had come second.
But in her mind she remembered it the other way, the voice of the operator calling out "The encephalon has become unstable! Emergency dive-out, I repeat, emergency dive-out! Encephalon collapse predicted in 5..." and then the blare of red screens flashing "WARNING" and the overhead alarm taking over, screaming in her ears as she ran to Sakura's side.
The girl had always been unresponsive, but this was a different kind of stillness. She had always had a blank look in her eye, devoid of curiosity or the flicker of will. But this was a blankness that meant that something had gone horribly, horribly wrong.
"Sakura!" She called her name, not expecting a response. She had never had a response. She had sometimes had the slow emptiness of her daughter's eyes turned towards her, but Sakura was supposed to be getting better, and she could hope, surely?
No, she was laying there as still as a statue, and eyes that should have had to blink by now were still open, blankness dimming to a glossy paleness. Even with her consciousness trapped in her mind, she'd always had all involuntary functions- something had happened in the dive, this was the one that was supposed to have cured it for good, this shouldn't have happened!
CPR- something, anything, she needed to save her, her only daughter, they had already gone through so much trouble to save her, she couldn't lose her now- "Sakura, no..." She needed to come back, she wouldn't be able to bear it.
She didn't know how long it had been before someone else's hand laid over hers, stopping her compressions. It could have been ten minutes, or ten seconds, Juli had no idea. "It's no use, Dr. Mizrahi," the voice that belonged to the hand said. "Her consciousness is gone."
That was it? There was nothing else to be done? After all that? After all that time, and all that energy, and all that hope, that was it? Juli's hands slipped from the bed as she straightened, eyes wide in disbelief.
Sakura was dead. Her beautiful brown-haired girl, her silent child, her daughter was dead.
Juli stared at her for an eternity without saying anything else. Without remembering anything else. Without thinking anything else.
She came to herself again and realized she was trembling, arms straight against her sides. Turning her head, she caught sight of the dark jacket and pale hair of Dr. Yuriev, standing as he frequently did, propping up an elbow on his hand, looking properly conciliatory. And had no idea if he had gone and come back or stayed while she stood there, numb. Had no idea if it had been his hand that had stopped her, his voice that had said there was nothing to be done, or someone else's.
"Leave me." Her voice had a tremor and she didn't care, her daughter was dead and that was the only thing that mattered in this moment. The only thing that could possibly have mattered.
Dimitri Yuriev inclined his head and left without a second glance at her, voice slick in her ears. "As you wish." Left to tend to his boys. The boys who had brought the first words from her daughter. The words that would no longer come, not even through the U.R.T.V.s.
A cold, detached part of her mind noted- weren't people supposed to go completely numb when something like this happened? Wasn't that shock? But no, Juli saw-felt-heard everything in this moment, saw, felt, and heard every absence of moment, every absence of warmth, every lack of breath from Sakura. Every last bit of the things she knew Sakura could do were gone. Sakura was gone. Had left.
There should be tears, the cold part of her mind said to her. She should cry for her daughter. She should cry for Sakura.
There were no tears. Instead she felt like her head would explode into a million pieces, would shatter and never be the same in a moment, in two moments, in three moments...
But no, she merely shook, tremors inside and out, one hand stretching out to brush the hair from Sakura's forehead one last time- but her hand trembled, and she curled her fingers into a fist instead, bringing her hand back to her chest.
Suddenly she was blinded by the tears that were not there, and heard herself think "Joachim said this would cure her."
Joachim was wrong.
Joachim, Joachim, Joachim, he had lied. Her daughter was dead, and Joachim had lied to her.
Now there were tears, but they were tears of anger, not grief. These were tears of injustice, things that should not have happened but were.
This was not supposed to have happened. Sakura was meant to have opened her eyes and spoken to her. Juli was not meant to have watched what little fire there had been in them fade and die.
This was wrong. Having her child silent and alive had been better than this.
Joachim- she wouldn't forgive him. She wouldn't forgive her husband, not for giving her this much hope only to destroy it now.
Rating; G
Fandom; Xenosaga
Summary; Juli Mizrahi in the wake of Sakura's death.
Wordcount; 876
Juli knew, objectively, that the alarm had to have started first, and that the frantic call from the technician had come second.
But in her mind she remembered it the other way, the voice of the operator calling out "The encephalon has become unstable! Emergency dive-out, I repeat, emergency dive-out! Encephalon collapse predicted in 5..." and then the blare of red screens flashing "WARNING" and the overhead alarm taking over, screaming in her ears as she ran to Sakura's side.
The girl had always been unresponsive, but this was a different kind of stillness. She had always had a blank look in her eye, devoid of curiosity or the flicker of will. But this was a blankness that meant that something had gone horribly, horribly wrong.
"Sakura!" She called her name, not expecting a response. She had never had a response. She had sometimes had the slow emptiness of her daughter's eyes turned towards her, but Sakura was supposed to be getting better, and she could hope, surely?
No, she was laying there as still as a statue, and eyes that should have had to blink by now were still open, blankness dimming to a glossy paleness. Even with her consciousness trapped in her mind, she'd always had all involuntary functions- something had happened in the dive, this was the one that was supposed to have cured it for good, this shouldn't have happened!
CPR- something, anything, she needed to save her, her only daughter, they had already gone through so much trouble to save her, she couldn't lose her now- "Sakura, no..." She needed to come back, she wouldn't be able to bear it.
She didn't know how long it had been before someone else's hand laid over hers, stopping her compressions. It could have been ten minutes, or ten seconds, Juli had no idea. "It's no use, Dr. Mizrahi," the voice that belonged to the hand said. "Her consciousness is gone."
That was it? There was nothing else to be done? After all that? After all that time, and all that energy, and all that hope, that was it? Juli's hands slipped from the bed as she straightened, eyes wide in disbelief.
Sakura was dead. Her beautiful brown-haired girl, her silent child, her daughter was dead.
Juli stared at her for an eternity without saying anything else. Without remembering anything else. Without thinking anything else.
She came to herself again and realized she was trembling, arms straight against her sides. Turning her head, she caught sight of the dark jacket and pale hair of Dr. Yuriev, standing as he frequently did, propping up an elbow on his hand, looking properly conciliatory. And had no idea if he had gone and come back or stayed while she stood there, numb. Had no idea if it had been his hand that had stopped her, his voice that had said there was nothing to be done, or someone else's.
"Leave me." Her voice had a tremor and she didn't care, her daughter was dead and that was the only thing that mattered in this moment. The only thing that could possibly have mattered.
Dimitri Yuriev inclined his head and left without a second glance at her, voice slick in her ears. "As you wish." Left to tend to his boys. The boys who had brought the first words from her daughter. The words that would no longer come, not even through the U.R.T.V.s.
A cold, detached part of her mind noted- weren't people supposed to go completely numb when something like this happened? Wasn't that shock? But no, Juli saw-felt-heard everything in this moment, saw, felt, and heard every absence of moment, every absence of warmth, every lack of breath from Sakura. Every last bit of the things she knew Sakura could do were gone. Sakura was gone. Had left.
There should be tears, the cold part of her mind said to her. She should cry for her daughter. She should cry for Sakura.
There were no tears. Instead she felt like her head would explode into a million pieces, would shatter and never be the same in a moment, in two moments, in three moments...
But no, she merely shook, tremors inside and out, one hand stretching out to brush the hair from Sakura's forehead one last time- but her hand trembled, and she curled her fingers into a fist instead, bringing her hand back to her chest.
Suddenly she was blinded by the tears that were not there, and heard herself think "Joachim said this would cure her."
Joachim was wrong.
Joachim, Joachim, Joachim, he had lied. Her daughter was dead, and Joachim had lied to her.
Now there were tears, but they were tears of anger, not grief. These were tears of injustice, things that should not have happened but were.
This was not supposed to have happened. Sakura was meant to have opened her eyes and spoken to her. Juli was not meant to have watched what little fire there had been in them fade and die.
This was wrong. Having her child silent and alive had been better than this.
Joachim- she wouldn't forgive him. She wouldn't forgive her husband, not for giving her this much hope only to destroy it now.